(Editorial) comments on draft-mickles-v6ops-isp-cases-03.txt

[<juha.wiljakka@nokia.com>]

 Hi, Cleve!

I quickly browsed your draft through. Please find below some (more or less editorial) comments:

- Footer: I think expiration month should be July
- First page: It might be good to put (Editor) or (Ed.) after your name?
- TOC: "Networks" is missing after  5. Broadband HFC/Coax
- TOC, 6.3 and 6.4: with a capital. (those subtitles also written with a capital in the actual document)
- Page 2, Copyright statement should be 2003?
- 3.: existance
- Section 4.: Why CORE, why not just Core or core?
- 4.1, second last row in page 4: "...long haul     circuits.."
- A general comment valid for many sections: It would be good to have one empty row after each (sub)title (e.g. 4.2) and each (sub)section / paragraph
- Many subtitles: Unnecessary dots, e.g. "4.3.1.....IGP"
- Section 4 and also elsewhere: it would be useful to explain each abbreviation first time it is mentioned. E.g. IGP, EGP, PIM-SM, etc. in section 4. What does IBGP mean on the first row on page 5?
- 4.6.2., third row: "ipv4"
- 4.7. Should radius / tacacs be written with a capital?
- 5.3.2., 11th row: "...a      Layer-2"
- 5.8, 5th row: esp -> especially, also some edits needed in 6th row: "transition functionality..  which? where?)
- 6.: todays -> today's
- 6.1.: Just commenting that also abbreviations ADSL, SDSL, etc. should be explained
- References: Is there a special reason for splitting the references for separate sections?
- It would be useful to divide the references to Informative and Normative. I will also do this for "3GPP analysis" next revision. :-)
- The reference format is not the same for e.g. Wireless section and HFC Cable section.
- Terms and acronyms, page 32. This kind of format could make this section more readable:
 aaa	  Explanation for aaa
 bbb	  Explanation for bbb
 ccc	  Explanation for ccc
- Terms and acronyms: not all acronyms used in the document (there are so many of them) are explained here?

Cheers,
		-Juha W.-

-----Original Message-----
From: ext MicklesCK [mailto:MicklesCK@aol.com]
Sent: 14 January, 2003 23:38
To: v6ops@ops.ietf.org
Subject: RE: I-D ACTION:draft-mickles-v6ops-isp-cases-03.txt



In case folks did not see the announcement, this is an updated
version of the ISP draft and I wanted to make sure folks take
a look.  All the sections in the draft are complete at this
time and comments to the list are appreciated.

Thanks,

Cleve...


============================================================================
========
A New Internet-Draft is available from the on-line Internet-Drafts
directories.


    Title       : Transition Scenarios for ISP Networks
    Author(s)   : C. Mickles
    Filename    : draft-mickles-v6ops-isp-cases-03.txt
    Pages       : 33
    Date        : 2003-1-10

This document describes the different types of Internet Service
Provider (ISP) networks in existence today.  It will provide
design and operational considerations in delivering network
services to customers for five specific areas in an effort to
better identify specific issues which may arise during a
transition to IPv6.

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